I woke up this morning and looked over what I had created last night and thought "oh dear can i do this?" Already second guessing myself is not a good sign, but then I had to realize that I have the strength to do whatever I put my mind to! Its just been so long since I have put my mind to anything that is just strictly for me. Case in point on why I need to do this!
So I began to think that while this is a great idea I need to set up some ground rules! Some kind of structure is needed if I am going to get through this year.
With that in mind I am going to set up and stick to these rules even if I have to read them everyday to get them in my thick skull!
So here goes.....
Rule #1
I will forgive myself......... anything that has happened up until this moment I have to recognize that it has made me who I am. I will not keep apologizing for past mistakes or make excuses for them. It is what it is, I am human and expected to fall more than once and its ok. To hold onto regret and the fear of making mistakes is not living. It the exact opposite. So I will not fear life I will live it to the fullest and if I make a mistake so be it...(charge it to the game) and just pick up and move forward thankful for the opportunity to try again. Harboring those feelings will only make you sick, and I am trying to be a healthy me... which brings me to my next rule.
Rule #2
I will work out everyday....... Since allowing this inferior species of boys into my life, has enabled me to pack on the pounds I figure the best way to get back to enjoying me is to get the figure that I am most comfortable with! No more spanks or body magics for me its time to really get a healthy body so I can achieve a healthy state of mind.
Rule #3
I will take chances and meet new people without having the sense that I need to keep these people in my life....... I think I have spent so much time trying to prove to other people that I am worth being around that I kept energy in my life that should have been gone a long time ago. I equate this to holding on to that pair of jeans that you will one day fit again... Screw it throw them away you will feel better and eventually if you ever get back to that size you can buy a pair of new jeans that will fit maybe even more perfectly and and will be NEW!!!!
Rule #4
I will say no........ These are powerful words that I do not use very often! I used to pride myself on being a self sufficient girl and one day I looked up and realized I am exactly the girl I used to make fun of (Irony is a funny thing) God has a way of showing you yourself and the way life could be if you walked in someone else's shoes. I mean that girl shoes became my own, I was so afraid of not being liked or being wanted that I forgot how powerful no can be and how easy it is to say yes rather than say no. Well its time to reverse that. No more accepting invitations just because I want to get out the house ( leave already) no more being friends with people just because they are there ( wasted energy) and no more doing things having conversations or watching movies, shows, videos, etc... that I just don't give a damn about! Like D.A.R.E. ....... Just say no!
Rule #5
I will not talk about my exes, any of them.......... I spend to much time worrying about what they did or what they do or how they said it or why they didn't say it or didn't do it that I now realize they could probably care less that I even feel this way! Time to move on. Half the time we see it coming and the other half God is saving us from heartache with an abrupt departure ( I'm talking to you Lil sis!) Time to revel in the fact that I escaped alive with even half of my sanity and focus on putting my life together with an unshattering foundation, so when I ALLOW the next man to come into my life I will know that no matter what there will be no changing me unless I TRULY WANT TO CHANGE!
Rule #6
I will go out on dates and enjoy myself without feeling like I owe anyone anything....... Too much I think we forget how the system works! A nation can rise no higher than its woman and if we keep allowing these men to set the standards we will remain in the dark ages! I AM A PRIZE and I will remain, maintain and present my self like the true gift of grace that I am. I think women (myself included) fear so much that there are not enough good men out there so we settle for the Assholes that don't even deserve our time. What are we afraid of? Being alone? Well I don't know about everyone else, but I would rather sit in a room and read something I love for hours or holed up in my house with my favorite movies than spend one more second listening to the droning on of a man who credits himself with much more than he is due, or sit through another video game that I could give a crap about, or be in a house or car that is not up to the standards of what I want out of life just to have a warm body beside me... I'm over it! If a man truly wants your time he will put in the effort to make it so!
At this time that is all of the rules I can think of. So far I think I am off to a good start! But since this journey is meant to be reflective I will keep an open mind and if I come upon something that I feel should be a rule I will implement it.
The way this blog will go or at least what I will try to do is update my success as well as document my day to day and how implementing these rules are helping me to become a better me. Here's to hoping I see success and who knows maybe my journey can help you discover your own..... Alright .... Let the Journey commence!
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